Stop Trying to Overcome Imposter Syndrome: Why I Coach People to Befriend It Instead.

A lot of the advice online when you search "imposter syndrome" shares ways you can "overcome" it and "silence" it. The messaging is well-intended and motivational, aiming to help people move forward and past their limiting beliefs (and I am sure when I first started I fell into this trap also). But I believe this language has a huge impact on the relationship we have with imposter syndrome and how effective we can be in working to prevent it from taking the driver's seat and holding us back from our full potential.

The conventional wisdom is that we need to overcome this inner critic, to silence it or push it away. But what if I told you that's the wrong approach? What if, instead of villainising this voice, we should befriend it?

The Cost of Trying to Overcome

When we try to overcome or shut down our inner critic, we're essentially rejecting a part of ourselves. After all, this voice belongs to us, it's a part of us and is often surfacing from somewhere deep within. This can lead to a cycle of self-criticism and shame, further reinforcing the very thoughts and feelings we're trying to escape.

Furthermore, this critical voice often arises from a place of fear and a desire to protect us. By dismissing it entirely, we may be ignoring valuable instincts and intuitions that could actually serve us well in certain situations.

A Better Way: Befriending Your Imposter

Instead of trying to overcome your inner critic, try befriending it. Recognise that this voice, however harsh or unpleasant, is a part of you that's trying to communicate with you to keep you safe. It's likely rooted in past experiences where you felt vulnerable or where things didn't go as planned.

By approaching this voice with curiosity and compassion, you can begin to understand its motivations and work with it, rather than against it. Here are some steps you can take:

1. Notice and acknowledge your inner critic when it arises, without judgement. Say something like, "I hear you, and I know you're trying to protect me."

2. Ask yourself where this voice is coming from. What past experience or fear is it drawing upon? Exploring the root of these thoughts can help you gain perspective.

3. Respond with kindness and reassurance. Talk to your inner critic as you would a worried friend, reminding it that you're capable and that the situation is different from the past.

4. Look at the objective evidence. If your inner critic is telling you that you're not good enough, counter that with specific examples of your skills, achievements, and positive feedback from others.

5. Make a conscious choice to proceed with confidence. Thank your inner critic for its concern, but remind it that you're in charge and that you've got this.

The journey to befriending your imposter is an ongoing process, but it's one that can lead to greater self-acceptance, resilience, personal growth and self-love. Instead of battling against a part of yourself, you're inviting that part into the conversation, acknowledging its role, and working together toward your goals.

So the next time that critical voice pipes up, take a deep breath and respond with kindness and understanding. You might just find that your greatest enemy can become your greatest ally.