What is Polyvagal Theory and why it might finally make sense of your stress responses

Nervous System

You know those moments where you suddenly shut down mid-conversation, feel the urge to people-please, or spiral into overthinking when the pressure’s on?

You might chalk it up to personality, anxiety, or just “how you are.”

But what if it’s none of that?

What if it’s your nervous system doing exactly what it was designed to do?

That’s where polyvagal theory comes in. It helps you understand why you react the way you do and what’s really going on beneath the surface when you freeze, fawn, fight, or flee.

What is Polyvagal Theory?

Polyvagal theory was developed by Dr Stephen Porges, a neuroscientist and researcher who explored how our autonomic nervous system works. That’s the part of your nervous system that runs in the background without you thinking about it.

One of the key ideas is something called neuroception. This is your body’s constant, automatic scanning for cues of safety or danger. You’re not doing it consciously. Your nervous system is always checking — am I safe or not?

It’s not just reacting to what’s happening. It’s reacting to what it perceives. And it is built for survival.

More than “Fight or Flight” — Understanding the Autonomic Ladder

Dr Stephen Porges' Polyvagal Ladder

You might have heard of the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems. The idea that sympathetic is stress mode and parasympathetic is rest and digest.

That’s partly true, but polyvagal theory takes it further. It introduces the idea of the autonomic ladder and explains that there are actually two branches of the parasympathetic system.

Understanding this ladder helps you recognise which state you’re in and why certain reactions take over.

Ventral Vagal - Safety and connection

This is the top of the ladder. It’s the part of your parasympathetic system that supports calm, presence, connection, and co-regulation. You feel safe in your body, grounded, open to others, able to make decisions, and respond in a way that aligns with who you want to be.

This state is where we access play, creativity, intimacy, and compassion. It’s also where we build resilience. When we are in ventral vagal, our social engagement system is online. This is how we regulate — not just through ourselves, but with others.

Sympathetic - Mobilisation and action

This sits in the middle of the ladder. It’s your fight or flight response — a mobilisation system designed to help you run, defend, or act when your system perceives threat.

It is not bad. In fact, it’s essential. You want access to sympathetic energy when you need to focus, move, speak up, or defend yourself.

But if you’re stuck here too often, you can become reactive, anxious, hypervigilant, or chronically on edge.

Dorsal Vagal - Shutdown and collapse

This is the bottom of the ladder and the oldest part of your nervous system. It acts as an emergency brake. When your system becomes overwhelmed and no action seems possible or safe, it takes you into withdrawal, disconnection, or numbness.

You might feel foggy, flat, disconnected, or hopeless. It’s not a decision. It’s your body pulling the plug to protect you.

Your Reactions Are Not Random. They’re a Blueprint for Survival.

These responses are shaped by your nervous system’s blueprint. That blueprint comes from your past experiences, your stress load, your conditioning, and the way your body has learned to detect threat.

But here’s the thing. Your nervous system hasn’t updated to match the modern world.

It’s still wired to scan for danger in things like social rejection, pressure to perform, emotional vulnerability, or unfamiliar situations. It doesn’t know the difference between actual danger and perceived risk.

So you might react in ways that seem irrational or out of proportion, but they make total sense to your system.

Where Do Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn Fit In?

Your nervous system is not reacting to your inbox, your partner’s tone, or the meeting invite. It’s reacting to what it perceives as threat - even if that threat isn’t logical.

In the modern world, these protective responses show up in ways we don’t always recognise as survival. But they are.

And when they become chronic, they start to feel unbearable.

Here’s what that can look like:

Fight - Sympathetic

You’re in a team meeting and suddenly feel under pressure to prove your worth. Your chest tightens. You speak over people, rush to defend your point, or shut down someone else’s idea before they can challenge you.

It feels urgent. Like if you don’t win this moment, you’ll be exposed.

Later, you replay everything you said. You feel sick with regret.

Flight - Sympathetic

Your calendar is full, your to-do list keeps growing, and you’re in constant motion. You can’t sit still. Every time you try to pause, anxiety creeps in.

You avoid the things that actually matter. You distract yourself with tasks, over-research, over-prepare, clean the kitchen again.

You know you’re avoiding the real thing, but slowing down feels like panic.

Freeze - Dorsal Vagal

You’re meant to respond to an important message or prep for a talk, but you’re lying on the sofa staring at your phone. Numb. Flat. Like your brain has left the building.

You can’t access thoughts, creativity, or emotion. You feel shame that you can’t “just do the thing.” You wonder what’s wrong with you.

Fawn - Often a blend of sympathetic and dorsal

You’re juggling work, family, and friendships. You’re saying yes to everything, showing up for everyone, and biting your tongue daily. You haven’t asked for what you really need in months, maybe years.

You feel invisible, but the idea of disappointing someone or not being liked makes your chest tighten. You downplay your success, apologise constantly, and quietly resent how much you’re carrying.

And still, you keep going.

What Happens When You Start Noticing?

These responses are not faults. They are survival strategies. And the key to shifting them is not mindset work alone. It starts in the body.

The first step is learning to listen differently.

Through somatic practices, like the ones I guide in my Somatic Yin classes and coaching sessions, we start to reconnect to the body’s signals.

We learn to notice when a stress response is kicking in.

We learn how to move through it, not by fixing or forcing, but by creating space.

Space to feel. Space to respond instead of react.

That’s what happened to me recently. I shut down in a conversation and gave a clipped reply. My system had kicked in before I could even think.

But seconds later, I recognised it.

That moment of awareness didn’t come from thinking harder. It came from having a relationship with my body. One I’ve built over time through this work.

In that tiny pause, I asked

What was I feeling

What felt unsafe

What did I need.

But before anything shifts, we meet ourselves with compassion.

We recognise we’re not broken. We’re not failing.

We’re responding in the only way our system knows how.

And that is what brings safety back into the system.

From there, we can begin to rewire.

Not by powering through

Not by making ourselves wrong

But by returning to ourselves, one signal at a time.

Final Thoughts

Polyvagal theory is not just a concept. It’s a map back to understanding yourself.

This is the heart of my work - using somatic tools, practices and coaching to help you come back to yourself.

To release what your body’s been holding

Regulate your nervous system so it feels safe

And reclaim the part of you that’s ready to move

Because when your body feels safe, things start to shift.

Not through mindset alone, but through nervous system safety that lets you take the steps you’ve been circling for months.

Whether that’s

Applying for the leadership training you keep putting off

Having the difficult conversation you’ve been avoiding

Or finally making a decision without spiralling in self-doubt

This work creates the space for you to move forward.

If this spoke to you, here’s where you can begin:

• Try one of my short somatic practice on YouTube to see what this feels like in your body

• Sign up to my newsletter: Release. Regulate. Reclaim. for weekly tools, insights, and practices

• Reach out about 1:1 coaching if you’re ready to work together more deeply

You don’t need more pressure.

You need a system that feels safe enough to move.

That’s where we begin.

Amy